agony aunt in the house!

Not only is the CEO of Parentline Plus visiting the Press Office today - so am i! And who she, I hear you cry? Suzie Hayman, trustee of PLP. I'm a stepmum, now a grannie (a very young one, i do insist!) and a regular spokesperson for Parentline. I'm an agony aunt, a relationship counsellor and a parenting practitioner. And all round general smartarse!



In fact, before coming down to the office this morning i did an interview on BBC Radio Tees on the subject of sibling rivalry. It's funny, because it's one of the few issues i don't have personal experience of - i'm an only child. As is my stepson. and probably, so will be his daughter. But i've done a lot of research into the subject and it is fascinating. Peter has a younger brother and sister, Angela has a younger brother and Sue has a younger sister.



Is there something about Press Offices that means they all have to be the bossy older siblings?? Because one thing shines out about siblings - where you are in the family and whether it's same sex or opposite sex who are above you or below has an awful lot to do with how you react - and who you become. one of the things i was saying to listeners this morning was that sibling rivalry is pretty well hard wired into us. finding your kids feel jealous and competitive isn't a sign of failure on your part, at all. But i suppose you can limit it and manage it, and that's the important thing.



Top tips? Praise and value your kids for who they are, each one - no comparisons, even when they are driving you up the wall and you're longing to scream "Why can't you be like your nice little sister???!!!". And have a think about your own upbringing, because we often follow patterns; if you've had a bad time with a sibling, you may pass that on. Most of all, enjoy them; if you enjoy your kids, they're more likely to enjoy each other!



suzie

Smiling Parents Day

This Friday 27th February is "Smiling Parents Day". With so much negative news around, we thought we'd bring a little cheer to the news agenda. Alpha Mummy has already covered the fact that little kids are funny. We are picking up stories on Facebook and via email that are "laugh out loud" material.

Here is a sample:

• My youngest was feeling under the weather and said he wasn't well enough for school. I took his temperature and was shocked to see it was 43 degrees celsius. I was starting to panic until I realised he had put it in his hot drink thinking I wouldn't notice! Needless to say he went to school that day!
  
• I expected my 21 month old daughter to be as excited about the recent snow as I was. When I showed it to her out of the window however, she turned to me with a very worried expression on her face and said "Oh dear, dear, dear - mess!!" She was obviously thinking of what she could do about this 'mess' and the next time we looked out of the window at the snow, she said "Mummy, hoover!"
  
• We were returning from a Spanish holiday and our plane was coming in to land. After several attempts at landing, the plane was forced to circle the airport to wait for a slot. We were all starting to feel very nervous and tense. The lights started flashing on and off and a female passenger screamed. My daughter Alex, who was 5 at the time, shouted out in all innocence – “Who's messing with the lights?” Everyone laughed, releasing lots of nervous tension and happily, the plane landed safely!

The Facebook group we've set up has led to quite a few emails, and we've got some good local radio coverage to come on Friday morning. What we hope is that this kind of positive story will reach out to a lot more parents.

Our recent online survey of parents revealed that nearly half of parents laugh every day about the antics of their kids. Significantly though, about a third of parents were finding things tough and had little to laugh about. It tends to be at these difficult times that parents will get in touch with us for support using the 0808 800 2222 Parentline.

School's out - how to keep yourself and the kids happy!

'When I was at school, a fair few years back, school terms seem to linger on for ever until finally we got a break from classes with the much anticipated arrival of the school holidays.

Why is it that now I am a parent they seem to come all too quickly! Before you know it, you are having a conversation outside the nursery gates about your plans for the week, and feeling under pressure to have planned an excessive amount of fun filled yet educational activities for the whole week. Then there's the added stress of thinking about juggling work and childcare.

It was actually a relief when the mum I was chatting with at the school gates revealed that she didn't really have any plans, apart from meeting up with another mum at a playcentre one day. The rest of the week she was going to be looking after her sister's three kids as well as her own - now that's sisterly love for you! The thing is, she was happy that her kids and her sisters' kids would be able to entertain each other, without a fortune needing to be spent on family tickets for a day out at the zoo or aquarium.

School holidays can be stressful for parents for various reasons, including juggling work and family life and finding affordable childcare as well as finding ways to keep your kids occupied on a budget, with many families feeling the pressure during the recession. Parents who have contacted us here at Parentline Plus tell us that there are ways of entertaining kids without emptying your bank account. On our website http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/ we have a number of ideas to entertain the kids on a budget, including going to your local swimming pool, checking out activities in the library and organising some good old-fashioned games like hopscotch, marbles or putting on a show. For older kids, it's worth checking if there are any free or subsidised sporting activities in your local community.

When it comes to childcare, you could think about sharing with a good friend and taking it in turns to look after all of the kids while one of you works. There may also be some subsidised multi activity days that can keep the kids occupied and help them burn off some energy. It's usually a good idea to book these things ahead as they do prove very popular.

Another thing parents also tell us is that it's crucial to look after yourself during the school holidays as well, so mum or dad's nerves aren't too frayed at the end of the week! Even taking time for a bath in the evening or to read a book while your partner or a friend or relative look after the kids can be relaxing. More tips on looking after yourself are also on our website http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/.

It's been a funny sort of week. The snow came and caused major disruption across much of the UK.
I recently heard a mother of two and magazine editor talking on the radio, describing how she and her husband couldn't get into work because of the bad weather and so they spent the day building snowmen and playing snowballs with their children instead. She was delighted to have been given permission to have a day off from the usual rigours of life.
I laughed when my 10-year-old son turned to me and my husband on Monday night and asked if he could go outside in the dark to play in the snow, throwing in the great line that 'I might not get the chance again', since we don't seem to have had a lot of snowy winters during his childhood. You have to admire that determination, and he ended up making a pretty impressive snowman, much to the delight of my two young daughters who watched from the comfort of the dining room window!
In a week when the issue of how we raise our children and whether or not they are happy has been in the spotlight, as it often seems to be, it's good to hear of kids enjoying themselves with the simplest of pleasures - playing in the snow. It's also good to hear about fun things for the kids to do that don't leave a heavy dent in your purse!
Here at Parentline Plus we are in the process of putting together some tips for families to help them cope with the recession, as it's tough enough bringing up a family without the added strains of a squeeze on your household finances.
Anyone wanting help and support on this or any other parenting-related issue in the meantime is welcome to call our free confidential, 24 hour Parentline 0808 800 2222.